I realize it’s after midnight PST, but I never “do” Throwback Thursday, so please indulge me. Unlike a typical Throwback Thursday social media post, I do not have a picture for this day. The day is so clear to me that I will never forget it. I had crepes at IHOP, convinced my husband it was perfectly safe to drive 25mins each way to my preferred pedicure salon in the snow, and slept better than usual that night.
A year ago “today” was 12/12/12. It was my epic due date given to me by doctors through science and measurements of who-knows-what or how they do that. When I was given that date, I counted back on the calendar, did my menstrual math and figured out the due date on my own. I kept it to myself. I ended up being closer than the doctors, so there.
Many people in my life looked at that date as a special day that something would happen. Even the IHOP waitress and the pedicure salon ladies were shocked to see me on 12/12/12, according to everyone but me – I should’ve been having a baby. My coworkers were wary of me when I showed up at the office on 12/13. I was a waddling leper of sorts.
Secretly, I was really proud of myself and proud of the baby for staying in there. I beamed with pride when people asked me when I was due and I could tell them “2 days ago!” and then “6 days ago!” I’ve had a few friends experience quite the opposite, so I knew I was lucky. I think I even talked to my belly for the first time for-real and said something like “you just stay in there til you wanna come out, no rush.”
I have mixed feelings for keeping the baby in a week past due. My mother-in-law flew in 2 days before the due date and left 5 days after, we were sure she’d see a baby! I felt like a disappointment, but still retained my feeling of lucky accomplishment. I nodded my head as people gave me advice on how to stimulate birth, “uh huh, yup.” I had no intentions of trying any of it.
I still feel those mixed feelings, but it’s only because I know now what I didn’t know then. My mother-in-law last saw Moselle when she was almost 7 months old. That last real interaction will forever stay with me and I’ll explain it to Moselle some day. My mother-in-law only got to be a grandma for 6 months and 3 weeks. I don’t know if an extra week of grandma status would have changed anything, but, my brain still gives me those thoughts.